I'm spilling my thoughts out to you.... Don't pay attention.

Slap! she striked me on my face... my left cheek. Leaving it a painful red with hand marks. I looked at her, not even trying to say anything. tears clogged my throat and threatened to spill over my lashes. Luckily, she started walking away before she saw. Still in listening distance, I heard her say three words. And not three words a normal mother would say to their child... just the opposite. 'I hate you...'. 

So my summer has been... eventful. Bittersweet you could say. So much good stuff has happened, but so much bad stuff has happened. I got an amazing boyfriend. And I already explained to you, as best as I could, how he makes me happy and why I think he's amazing. But there have been fights and tension and negativity in my house. Both my mother's and my father's homes. And let me just say, even though it has nothing to do with this, I love how I talk about their homes like I don't even live there. Like I have a house all to myself. That would be amazing. I wouldn't have to deal with the fights. or the tension. I wouldn't have to clean EVERYDAY(I enjoy cleaning and having a clean house, but cleaning when stuff is already clean.... it's like painting a wall the same color over again. Yea, pointless). I wouldn't have to watch my baby sister. But see that topic is tough. Watching my baby sister. If I didn't say anything else on this topic, you would think of me as a horrible sister. A sister that didn't love her baby sister. But see, I do. A lot. But... she's not my child. And I'm not saying my parents dump her on me all the time... it's just... I'm usually stuck watching her. Even when my brother and other sister are home. She always comes to me. Because my brother usually just sits there on the computer or the playstation and says no to her for EVERYTHING. Even when it comes to food for her. "Devon I'm hungry can you get me something to eat please?" "No, not right now.... ask sammy." Like seriously.... it'll take you three minutes to make her a sandwich or get her a snack. But OHNO. he can't. He doesn't wanna stop playing a brain frying videogame to make his little sister food. his little sister that doesn't really like him watching her because she starves when he's in charge. Now when ashley is home.... she's not as bad. but still... she doesn't help. She sits on her computer... or complains about stuff... she's lazy. And she knows it. and She doesn't do anything unless it benefits her. And she's been getting into fights and getting an attitude with EVERYONE. and I know I'm not her mother... or her father.. or any adult figure towards her... but when she takes stuff out on me and acts like I'M the one who makes her do everything... ahahahahha no. That doesn't fly. So I tell her... and I don't yell back unless I'm really mad..... to either stop yelling and freaking out on me or she can get out of my room. And THEN! Holy crap this bugs me... she comes in my room.... with food and her laptop... sits on my bed, tells ME in MY room to turn MY music off so she can play hers. And I don't like her music that much.. like not at all. And It just amazes me. She comes in in someone else room... when she has her own... and bosses them around. If it was her room... I wouldn't care. But it's not. And then she complains that no one wants to hangout with her. She's the one that wanted her own room and won't switch. Geezus I wanna scream. Just talking about this stuff gets me worked and makes me want to punch something.

Honestly.. the only thing, only person I should say... that keeps me from NOT running away and from getting emancipated... is Dan. My boyfriend. My loving amazing nice sweet wonderful boyfriend. Not even kidding or dramatizing this at all. He keeps me sane and calm. If I didn't have him I'd probably scream my head off and go on a rampage. I love him. A lot. Like... he doesn't even know how much. And I wish I could tell him... but I don't have the words to explain my feelings towards him.

So I'm kinda nervous.... about going into high school. And going to a different high school then Dan and all my friends. And NOT having Patti around. And getting the money($300) for my kit that I'll need to my extra course. Dudeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. I'm like shaking just thinking about it.

So I lost my camera.... and I've been having a lot of good ideas for photo shoots. this sucks.

I want to cry, but not of sad tears.

I know it's been a very long time since I've been on here. And it's weird being on here. But not so weird that it repulses me. But it's actually relieving. I have so much to tell you. It's probably gonna be told in a jumbled mess but that's because I don't know any better way to tell you, and because i have it all on the tip of my tongue and I need to get it out of my system asap.

But I'm growing up. A lot. And I'm going into nineth grade and into high school. But I'm not going to schalick..... where all my other friends are going. I'm going to a votech/ advancement school where I can start college while I'm high school. I'm so excited and so thrilled to be able to do what I love and meet new people and just.... I'm excited.  But it also sucks because I have a boyfriend now, and I'll tell you more about him<3 when I'm done with this. And he's going to schalick and I'm not gonna be able to see him a lot. But then again... there's always after school and school functions and such.

Now my boyfriend. Daniel Strong. He's amazing. and you're probably wondering why i think so. Well.... I don't have words to describe the feelings I have for him. I don't have sentences that can say what I feel when I see him or think of him. I don't have a way at all to show you how much I love him. Now I know we haven't been together for a long time, but we've talked and have had conversations on everything. We're almost the same person. In somethings it's a bad thing, in others it's good. In this case, it's good. We both say sorry too much. We both don't care what people think. We're both in the same situation. I know it sounds cliche but he understand me and the stuff I go through and feel and think of when things happen against the grain or with it. He knows how to make me smile and how to make me mad. He knows how to make my body fill with butterflies and drain my sad thoughts. He knows what to say and how to say them. He knows when to ask and when it doesn't matter. He just knows. And I love him for it. But we don't get to see eachother a lot. He lives rather far from me, and his mother doesn't want him coming to elmer. And my parents don't always have the gas to run me out here nor do they have the money for gas. And it's the governments fault. And I'm not going into my feelings about that. I'll get mad. I have so much more to tell you, but I just can't figure out how to word it. When I do, I'll tell you(:

He just makes me sooooooooooo happy. I wish everyone could meet him(:

So I think I'm gonna become a hippie. Again. I use to be one.... but after some events I couldn't handle it. But Now.... because of those events... I can. And I'm going to be.

It all started with a crappy camera and a day after it rained. I thought the flowers and outside looked gorgeous with the rain drops on them. So I started taking pictures of them. Then of the people I saw. Then I started adding things like props. And taking more pictures. My love for photography began. And It's growing stronger. But I need a new camera. One with a better focus and zoom. I mean, I like my camera now for simple photos, but I want to be able to take more detailed and complicated photos.

OhBuddyGee<3