Yea, It's Been A While.

My boyfriend and I are over. We broke up. We both agreed it was best for now. He's under a lot of stress and he's been pissed off lately, and he doesn't want to take it out on me and hurt me. And he doesn't want to have to worry about having a relationship. At least not until things blow over with him. So we're good friends, I still love him. We still talk all the time. It's so weird though. We kinda got into a routine; wake up, text, work, call, family time, text, then we talked until one of us fell asleep. Now I can't do that. It's so.... not fun. lol. But I'm actually better then I figured I would be. I thought I'd be torn and dead and crying myself to death. But I only cried twice. And I'm generally happy. Probably because I know we're still friends and I still love him and he tell sme he still loves me before bed sometimes. I can handle this(:

I got my ears pierced. They hurt. But I also keep pulling them by mistake. lol. I should probably try to stop. lol.

I wen to orientation for my new school, and it was HILARIOUS. I got my locker, and my first semester schedule. My locker is between two seniors though, I think. Dun dun dun(:

I've been listening to 80's music ALL week. My mother says I was born a decade later then I was suppose to be haha. She tells our friends and family I'm her from the eighties. hahaha. I LOVE the eighties.



I wanna dye my hair blonde. I was pondering this today while I was sitting on a curb with my friends. They were all doing something awesome with their hair before 2010 ends. And I wanna join the party. Yea, I know, "be a leader not a follower." blahblahblah. I don't care. It's my hair. I'll do what I want. But, blonde is a lighter color. And I've never gone lighter. Only darker. And Blonde would be a good color for me seeing as how I like to dye my hair odd colors all the time... and you usually have to have lightly colored hair for it to come out right. I could be smart and dye it all blonde, and see if I like it. If I do, then I'll just keep it like that until next year, dye it back to my natural color, and keep it like that. Or! I can get more highlights and lowlights that way when I put the odd color over my hair, it comes out in different shades and tints(:
I know this is kind of mean of me, but weather you guys pick one idea or the other.. it won't help me. I'm way too indecisive for my own good. I'm sorry. I don't mean to be. I just hate choices. With a passion. Like... if they had faces... I would punch them. Haha...

So, I'm gonna start looking for a job soon. I'm not sure what I should look for. I want a low key job. not a food market or fast food place. I want like a book store or hair styling place. Or a coffee shop. Something me. So I ENJOY working there and I don't dread it and WANT to call out "sick". so I actually make money and I can get those boots I want. ahaha. And start earning for a car and a college and possibly an apartment near the college I'm going to. I wanna go to an outta state college... so I can have the full experience of going to a college. And not a dry college.. they aren't fun. And somewhere north.. so the winters are nice and freezing(: But... not so bad that they stop me from going to school or work. It's tough. I'm picky and the state America is in does not help.

My Alphabet Of Happiness

A. Apple pie. 
B. "Be the moving doors.."  (:
C. Chocolate covered strawberries is where it's at(:
D. Daniel<3
E. evil bunny theory. 
F. Favorite song Playlist. 
G. Green jello.
H. huge-gantic stuffed animals
I.  Insane people 
J. Jumping off the steps because it feels like a risk. 
K. King Money Muncher<3
L. Loud music.  
M. Music addiction
N. Neverending story. 
O. outstanding cups of coffee :P
P. People that stop walking in front of me. Jk I hate them. 
Q. Quiting in the middle of a card game with my brother because he gets mad(:
R. Rainbows
S. Sunrises... though I have yet to see one ): 
T. Tea... period. 
U. unexpected-ness(:
V. verve pipe[[band]]
W. Waving at people I catch staring at me so they feel stupid. 
X. names that start with 'X'
Y. yummy food. 
Z. Zipper noises.... I make them when I'm really bored. 

I'm spilling my thoughts out to you.... Don't pay attention.

Slap! she striked me on my face... my left cheek. Leaving it a painful red with hand marks. I looked at her, not even trying to say anything. tears clogged my throat and threatened to spill over my lashes. Luckily, she started walking away before she saw. Still in listening distance, I heard her say three words. And not three words a normal mother would say to their child... just the opposite. 'I hate you...'. 

So my summer has been... eventful. Bittersweet you could say. So much good stuff has happened, but so much bad stuff has happened. I got an amazing boyfriend. And I already explained to you, as best as I could, how he makes me happy and why I think he's amazing. But there have been fights and tension and negativity in my house. Both my mother's and my father's homes. And let me just say, even though it has nothing to do with this, I love how I talk about their homes like I don't even live there. Like I have a house all to myself. That would be amazing. I wouldn't have to deal with the fights. or the tension. I wouldn't have to clean EVERYDAY(I enjoy cleaning and having a clean house, but cleaning when stuff is already clean.... it's like painting a wall the same color over again. Yea, pointless). I wouldn't have to watch my baby sister. But see that topic is tough. Watching my baby sister. If I didn't say anything else on this topic, you would think of me as a horrible sister. A sister that didn't love her baby sister. But see, I do. A lot. But... she's not my child. And I'm not saying my parents dump her on me all the time... it's just... I'm usually stuck watching her. Even when my brother and other sister are home. She always comes to me. Because my brother usually just sits there on the computer or the playstation and says no to her for EVERYTHING. Even when it comes to food for her. "Devon I'm hungry can you get me something to eat please?" "No, not right now.... ask sammy." Like seriously.... it'll take you three minutes to make her a sandwich or get her a snack. But OHNO. he can't. He doesn't wanna stop playing a brain frying videogame to make his little sister food. his little sister that doesn't really like him watching her because she starves when he's in charge. Now when ashley is home.... she's not as bad. but still... she doesn't help. She sits on her computer... or complains about stuff... she's lazy. And she knows it. and She doesn't do anything unless it benefits her. And she's been getting into fights and getting an attitude with EVERYONE. and I know I'm not her mother... or her father.. or any adult figure towards her... but when she takes stuff out on me and acts like I'M the one who makes her do everything... ahahahahha no. That doesn't fly. So I tell her... and I don't yell back unless I'm really mad..... to either stop yelling and freaking out on me or she can get out of my room. And THEN! Holy crap this bugs me... she comes in my room.... with food and her laptop... sits on my bed, tells ME in MY room to turn MY music off so she can play hers. And I don't like her music that much.. like not at all. And It just amazes me. She comes in in someone else room... when she has her own... and bosses them around. If it was her room... I wouldn't care. But it's not. And then she complains that no one wants to hangout with her. She's the one that wanted her own room and won't switch. Geezus I wanna scream. Just talking about this stuff gets me worked and makes me want to punch something.

Honestly.. the only thing, only person I should say... that keeps me from NOT running away and from getting emancipated... is Dan. My boyfriend. My loving amazing nice sweet wonderful boyfriend. Not even kidding or dramatizing this at all. He keeps me sane and calm. If I didn't have him I'd probably scream my head off and go on a rampage. I love him. A lot. Like... he doesn't even know how much. And I wish I could tell him... but I don't have the words to explain my feelings towards him.

So I'm kinda nervous.... about going into high school. And going to a different high school then Dan and all my friends. And NOT having Patti around. And getting the money($300) for my kit that I'll need to my extra course. Dudeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. I'm like shaking just thinking about it.

So I lost my camera.... and I've been having a lot of good ideas for photo shoots. this sucks.

I want to cry, but not of sad tears.

I know it's been a very long time since I've been on here. And it's weird being on here. But not so weird that it repulses me. But it's actually relieving. I have so much to tell you. It's probably gonna be told in a jumbled mess but that's because I don't know any better way to tell you, and because i have it all on the tip of my tongue and I need to get it out of my system asap.

But I'm growing up. A lot. And I'm going into nineth grade and into high school. But I'm not going to schalick..... where all my other friends are going. I'm going to a votech/ advancement school where I can start college while I'm high school. I'm so excited and so thrilled to be able to do what I love and meet new people and just.... I'm excited.  But it also sucks because I have a boyfriend now, and I'll tell you more about him<3 when I'm done with this. And he's going to schalick and I'm not gonna be able to see him a lot. But then again... there's always after school and school functions and such.

Now my boyfriend. Daniel Strong. He's amazing. and you're probably wondering why i think so. Well.... I don't have words to describe the feelings I have for him. I don't have sentences that can say what I feel when I see him or think of him. I don't have a way at all to show you how much I love him. Now I know we haven't been together for a long time, but we've talked and have had conversations on everything. We're almost the same person. In somethings it's a bad thing, in others it's good. In this case, it's good. We both say sorry too much. We both don't care what people think. We're both in the same situation. I know it sounds cliche but he understand me and the stuff I go through and feel and think of when things happen against the grain or with it. He knows how to make me smile and how to make me mad. He knows how to make my body fill with butterflies and drain my sad thoughts. He knows what to say and how to say them. He knows when to ask and when it doesn't matter. He just knows. And I love him for it. But we don't get to see eachother a lot. He lives rather far from me, and his mother doesn't want him coming to elmer. And my parents don't always have the gas to run me out here nor do they have the money for gas. And it's the governments fault. And I'm not going into my feelings about that. I'll get mad. I have so much more to tell you, but I just can't figure out how to word it. When I do, I'll tell you(:

He just makes me sooooooooooo happy. I wish everyone could meet him(:

So I think I'm gonna become a hippie. Again. I use to be one.... but after some events I couldn't handle it. But Now.... because of those events... I can. And I'm going to be.

It all started with a crappy camera and a day after it rained. I thought the flowers and outside looked gorgeous with the rain drops on them. So I started taking pictures of them. Then of the people I saw. Then I started adding things like props. And taking more pictures. My love for photography began. And It's growing stronger. But I need a new camera. One with a better focus and zoom. I mean, I like my camera now for simple photos, but I want to be able to take more detailed and complicated photos.

OhBuddyGee<3

Health. Job. Love.

I've been running. I love it. I feel so hyped and energized afterwards. It's so much fun. And once your legs go numb, it feels like you can run forever. I've lost five pounds. Just by running. And I'm cutting back on sweets. Plus, I usually eat/munch eat all the time, but I'm going to stop that. I'm going to start eating healthier, and cutting back on sweets. I sound like such a health freak, but it's really helped me. It helps clear my mind, helps my speed and reaction time, it's done wonders on how I feel towards myself. And as much as you sweat when you run, I haven't been breaking out as bad as I did. And I'm getting a sexy tan(: Ahaha. Seriously though, I'm really getting into this. I'm gonna have to get use to running by myself. The first couple times I ran, it was with my aunt-who got me into running- and it was fun, because there's someone to talk to and keep your mind of how out of breath you are. The plus side of running by myself; I can run almost whenever I want to and I won't have to wait for anyone. I can go my own pace. I can see how far I can push myself and/or how far I'll actually run by myself. Hopefully, if things go right, I'm gonna be going running with one of my friends. On top of running, I've gotten some new music artist. It's all techno, good running music; run to the beat.
So, I'm fourteen. Legal working age for Jersey. I can get a job. And I think I've got one. Or at least have one in mind. My mother actually helped my with the idea. There's a saloon down the street from my house. It's little and simple. But it's the perfect distance away from my house. I haven't really applied. I still have to ask to see if they'll even let me work there. I wouldn't cut hair or anything like that. I'd probably do the cleaning. But, next year I'm going into cosmetology in VoTech, so once I get my 600 hours, I can actually cut hair. And then, by the time I graduate, I'll be able to work full time and have my full license. I'm excited(:
At the moment, I think only a totally of six boys are NOT annoying me. All the other ones are just......ugh! I wanna punch them in the face. trying to get with me, touching me, talking to me or about me like I'm theirs. Seriously though. Just because I'm single don't mean crap! And it doesn't mean I'm scoping out my next victim to be with. I'm not like that. It's not right in any which way. Retarded. I understand you like me, just don't be a pig, a jerk, or a creep. Because if you are, I'm not gonna want to hang with you anymore, maybe not even talk to you. It'd be too awkward.

Sorry for not updating any sooner. Nothing interesting has been happening. So I'm letting the boring stuff build up so my life seems some what exciting(:

You're Not Cool.

I hate it when little seventh graders think they're the bom and they have a nasty little potty mouth. It makes me want to punch them. And especially when they use it around little kids. I mean seriously? They don't need to hear this. None the less you should even know this. So just shut up before you really piss me off and I actually throw a swing at you. You're not cool. 

And those stupid boys in my grade. The ones who make stupid immature noises. I mean, I don't pay attention to them, but when they're right in your ear. And when you're taking a test. Or when the teacher is getting mad and she keeps stopping the class and giving us lectures or lunch detentions. Seriously? Grow up or shut up. People are trying to actually learn/take a test and you're annoying the crap outta people including the teacher. Which will not fly. You're not cool. 

And those people that are picked on your team for stuff and they don't do anything. But somehow, they get the best grades in the world. And you wana know why?(i just learned this today) they cheat or take all the credit. It's so stupid. they cry and complain to the teacher until they get fed up or until they're parents call them, and then they get they're stupid perfect grades. While the rest of use bust our butts and do all the work, and we get eighties or lower. That's not right and it makes you look stupid and jerkish and mean and no one likes you. Then you wonder why you're on a bus full of nerds wondering why they can't get a date. You're not cool. 

Pathetic.

P.S. photo credits to Die-Die-My-Darlings from deviantart.com clicking the name and you can see more of there work. 

Hair and HIM

For my birthday, which past, I asked my mother if I could dye my hair. She said maybe. Then she asked me what I wanted to do. And that's where my plan was ruined. I didn't know what I wanted. Well, I did, but I could only pick one thing.
So here were my options:
blue
deep brown
deep brown and blonde
blonde
deep brown with peek-a-boo highlights.

I was gonna go with blue for the longest time. But then my mom said no to that because of my aunts wedding. Then I thought deep brown. But I thought it was very plain and I've already done that. Then I thought blonde. But I don't think I'd look good blonde. Then I thought deep brown and blonde. But that's so not cool anymore. So I'm thinking I'm gonna go with the last option;  deep brown with colored peek-a-boo highlights. But I have a problem. I'm not sure which color I should do.


I miss HIM a lot. I miss being in his arms and hearing him talk. and hearing him laugh. and seeing him smile. and his smell. and being his. and calling him mine. I really do.

Dear Oath, I'm sorry.

I'm going to be breaking my oath. Well, not completely. I'll only be getting  a trim. So technically I'm not breaking it. YES! But still, I'm changing my hair plan for my birthday. instead of dying my whole head blue with purple. I'm going to do this:

Dye almost my whole head deep deep brown(almost black) and dye underneath and a layer in my bangs bleach blonde.  Then, when graduation is over, I'm gonna redye the blond and dye it different colors.  I'm only changing it because of my graduation and my aunts wedding. I don't want to seem unmannerly or not how I actually am. But once my aunts wedding is over, I'm gonna dye my hair different colors. I'm actually really excited. for graduation. I got my dress. and It does fall under "little black dress". It's adorable. I'll put a picture of hopefully soon(:

I need to figure out how I'm going to do my hair. For both my graduation and the wedding. I think I'm going to wave it sort of, for graduation, and curl it for my aunt's wedding.

Speaking of my Aunt. My one aunt is home, and my other Aunt's graduation from college is these weekend. I have to figure out what I' wearing and what I'm packing. Ugh. To much to worry about.

ily

I'm gonna have to go to work.

And I'm being so serious right now.  I just got accepted into that school I was talking about a while back. And I need $300 dollars for the field I'm going into, and it involves a kit. A beauty kit. And They don't come cheap.  But I'm excited I got in(:

The hot weather is here and I want to start running. But I don't want to do it alone, and the only person I can think of running with is my Aunt. And she's coming home this saturday, so I'm gonna ask my dad and see if I can hangout with her saturday after she goes to church. But I really want to get in the habit of running either at night or in the morning. I'm gonna try to do this over the summer, seeing as how my Aunt will be home and we can probably run together. I'm thinking, that once I get use to running, I just do it at night before I go to bed by myself. Who knows, maybe one of my friends will want to run with me(:

BTW, I got new music for my blog(what you're reading). I hope you like it. Most of it is music I like running/working out to.  AND I have two more weeks until my birthday. I'm excited!!!


JuneNeedsToComeFaster :D

Ily.

Humid. Lovely. Running.

"Hmmmmmmmm. I hate bored. I've always wanted to punch it in the face. Sad thing is, it doesn't have a face. Stupid boredem." -CaptainSamm(me) on twitter. 

Yesterday was Elmer Hospital day. Though I rarely went up there, the fireworks were amazing. John was there(:  I'm guessing he liked them to, seeing as how he kept getting lost in the "bright colors and loud noises" haha. Yesterday was fun. Made a new friend(: Became better friends with someone I'm already friends with. Walked a lot. Got super tan. Lovin it(:

Right now, it's 7:37 am. It's humid outside. But not bad. It's like.... cool, but sticky. I love it when it's like this in the morning. It makes me want to go running. But, the thing is, I don't like running by myself and I don't know anyone who will come with me. I have an idea, but I'm not exactly sure. Right now, I'm drinking tea, not coffee for once, and like anyone who drinks tea, it makes me think. So I will drink this tea and think over my running idea/plan. Maybe something will come to mind ;D

I might write later tonight, if not, you can catch me tomorrow. School testing is done and the teachers say we'll be getting our laptops back. So don't get your hopes up about me writing daily(almost daily) like I use to.

ily....(:

Me and my fashion fetish(:

So, like I confessed a little while ago, I am a fashion addict(me being a little dramatic). I love it and like putting the different pieces of it together to make something glorious. So, to support my fetish, I made a polyvore. A polyvore is a site where you can make pictures, or 'sets', of fashion. You go through pictures of clothes, pick what you like, and add them together to make a picture of an outfit. It's really fun and makes me dream of an amazing wardrobe. I only put together things I either WOULD or THINK I WOULD wear. I would wear most of the stuff I put up, but you know how you see something you like but you would never wear them. Yea. I put stuff like that up sometimes. Most of my works are inspired by my dream to live in NYC and become an amazing hairstylist. The link to check out my profile is on the right of my blog and down under links, listed as "Polyvore/fashion" Click it and you shall enter my dream wardrobe(:
hopeyouLOVEit(:

Et au revoir<3

I've Been A Slacker Big Time...

"I went out in the rain suddenly everything changed."

I haven't been on in a while and I'm sorry. I've been caught up in school, camera issues, and my mother's gracefulness. She slipped down the stairs while it was raining out; by golly she gave me a heart attack. But at least now we know where I got my walking skills from. Haha. But now she's ok for the most part. She has a nasty bruise and her kidney hurts. She's been stay medicated to she can walk around(against the doctors orders) and not feel any pain. Though the medication the doctor gave her is so strong she gets loopy and bakes all the time. We have cookies and sticky buns out the waa-zoo.

On other news, I found my camera, and my laptop is alive. Mostly at least. So I'm going to be doing more photography outside. Don't have to use my stupid laptop camera and be limited. So I'm deleting some of my "me" pictures. Tell me which ones I should keep, I won't throw them out.
I also heard a song that really made me think. And I asked MelonsForWater:[link] a bunch of questions when I heard this song. He doesn't know why I asked them, until probably now. That is if he reads this. Anyway, it's called "Firs Day of My Life" by Bright Eyes. And yes you can find them(one person actually) on myspace and most likely facebook. But Bright eyes is my new favorite band. But I have my life sort of set in motion for the most part. Get my license to be a hair stylist, move to NYC, get a good job, get married, have three kids(I have a theory behind having three kids, ask if you want), and work on my drawing while traveling. I hope it all works out. I'm trying to get my grades up, my low F in socialstudies is now a high F, almost a low D. I'm excited. And my math, science, and Language Arts grades are perfect. Spanish is pretty easy actually. I can read it more fluently then other people in my class. 

I really need to go to Barns & Noble's. I need a new journal. I talked to my mom and she said if I save up my money she'd take me to get one. I have a jar of coins(pennies, nickles, etc.) and I've been filling it for a while now, and I think I have at least five dollars, so I'm thinking I can exchange it at the bank for cash, add that to my NewJournalFund. Yes. I have a journal. Not a diary. I think that's too cheezy and totally not me. Writing relaxes me and helps me keep my head. You should try it(:

'You Don't Know Me' by Ben Folds Ft. Regina Spektor

So my older sister showed me a new artist. His name is Ben Folds(click the title of this post and you can see what he looks like). I love his music. It's different from what most people listen too. My sister and I want to see him live. He does this thing on YouTube where he goes on chatroulette and he plays a piano and sings about the people he incounters. It's soooooo funny. He does it live and that's what we want to see. And him singing, of course. Anyway, you should look him up. Specifically these songs; The Luckiest, You Don't Know Me ft. Regina Spektor, and Gone. He also has a cover of Tiny Dancer by Billy Joel. Look that up too. Haha.

It's offical now. I've changed a lot. Like more then you think. I made this blog in 2008. The beginning of seventh grade. Read my first couple post and then read a couple of my recent post. You can tell how I've changed. At least I think so. But during the 'change', I've lost and gained friends. I wouldn't say lost, just stopped talking to them. I try to be nice to them, but most of the time, it doesn't even work anymore. So I'm actually thinking about giving up trying. Thinking.

I need plans. Like stuff to do with people I talk to now. People I'm close to. And People I don't really hang out with much outside of school. If you know me, hit me up and let's go do something people think is totally stupid, therefore we think it's the funniest thing in the whole world. Haha. And I'm being totally serious.

Et au revoir

"They're the type of people that make me hate Barbie."

So it's offical. I absolutely adore amazing quotes or lyrics or sayings or anything along those lines.  Just look at my about me on here and on my deviant. They're all over the place on my deviant. Quotes help me remember things. Important things. And They are stupid to me. I.E. when I say a quotes in school, people just look at me and say I'm gay. well first of all. That's offensive. I am not gay. At least not the homosexual deff. I am happy though, if you want to be technical. And I like being technical. But what if you said gay in front of a real gay guy? Or a lesbian? What would you do if they took offense to that? I know a lot of gay guys-actually only like two- and they tell me all the time "If I ever hear you saying gay as in homosexual, I will furiously beat you." But like they are, they used higher vocabulary to the point where I had to write down what they said and then look up the words I didn't know. So I summed it up for you. The point: The guys think it's a horrible thing to be gay. They think it's horrible to even be near a gay guy let alone be friends with one. But guys can be friends with lesbians. They're gay too. Just a different gender. Girls, and only most girls, are more open to stuff like that. Unless you meet those really really immature girls that freak out and over react to everything guys think are stupid or 'gay'. They're the type of people that make me hate Barbie.

So I have a new favorite-ish song. It's not a new song, but it's a good song. It's Fast Car by Tracy Chapman. It's so amazing. It makes me realize how good  have it. Some people go through life and they don't even know what they have until it's taken. Some people go through their whole life under stress and they can't wait to get away. Some teenagers are forced to grow up too quick and too soon. It's like todays society doesn't have time to be patient.

Makes me sick.


All this chaos and unruliness. It goes to show, humans are selfish and greedy. Especially people who want to kill themselves. Not all of them at least. but those who kill themselves for the stupidest reasons don't know how selfish it is of them. You don't think about how it would effect others. You're only thinking about how  it'll apparently help you.


Stupid stupid stupid stupid.


Et au revoir

"Appreciate. Validate. Sleeping with the enemy."

I'm trying to hate him. Or ignore him. Or just not think of him the majority of the day. So far, over the week, it seems to be working. I point out his flaws, the little he has, and blow them way out of line. It's kind of sad, and sort of sick, that humans get pleasure out of someone else's flaws or weaknesses. Anyway, slowly but surely, I'm trying to, and hopefully am, ignoring him and/or forgetting him and how he effects me. 


Nothing interesting happens in my life anymore. I can only talk to you about my 'drama' and ideas and hopes and dreams and plans. Which leads me to my next paragraph. 


Fashion. Def: a popular trend, esp. in styles of dress and ornament or manners of behavior. Example: his hair is cut in the latest fashion. I am totally into it. For example, friday went with my sister to the mall, Ross, JC Penny, and deb, and I found some adorable dresses. I ended up finding one my sister absolutely adored, but she wasn't allowed to wear it because of her BF. Blech. Anyway, then, on the way out, I found some really cute clothes. Then through out the whole mall, I figured out a whole outfit under thirty bucks. For me, that's cheap. Haha. Sad right? I like expensive things. What can I say? Well right now I am going through my favorite shops, online of course, and writing down what I want where it's from and the price. So that I can figure out how much I need to earn before I can get any of it.  I'm trying to earn my own money. I've been saving up. The only thing I've bought in almost six months has been a bag if skittles. Oh snap! ahhaa. I'll give you an update on how that's going later before I head to bed. 


Six months is almost here for John and I(: . And it might not seems important to you, but to me, it's big. The last relationship I had that lasted long(nine months) was with him-pushing it out of my mind- so this is feeling like whiplash. It seems like it was only a month ago that he'd asked me out. Haha. Whoa dude. I can;t get it out of my head. Ironic thing is, our two month was on valentines day, and our six month will be five days before my birthday. I just think that's weird. But also a bit funny. He might be coming over thursday. Not sure yet. 


Au revoir(:

Greek Yum(:

Today would've been perfect if girls were so annoying. Yes I'm saying my own gender is headache making. They start drama and spread rumors and just annoy the crap outta. I think the only thing making today amazing was John(: He is such a sweetie. I love him. And the thing that makes it even greater is that he doesn't even realize that him just being there makes my day. Haha. Today when were walking to our buses, he asked me what was wrong and I told him nothing. He automatically knew something was up. Haha. He said, "Girl drama crap. Huh?" The our friend Justin come up and says "Girls are attracted to gossip like fruit flies are to rotten fruit." I couldn't help but laugh. Then John tells me not to worry and that I'll figure something out that'll work out. He told me to try to relax and then he hugged me. And it wasn't just any hug. It was one of those hugs that send loads of butterflies bursting throughout your whole body and causes you to be all tingly. Anyhoo, my day sucked except for spanish and John/Patricia. 

Honestly, HE's been such a jerk lately. And I just found out how immature he is. Yea. I said it. Remember when I said he was so mature and he makes feel like a five year old. Well you can flush that down the drain. He flipped out on a fifth grader because the fifth grader was talking to me. And remember my best friend? Kaitlyn? Yea. She told HIM that the fifth grader was flirting with me. And HE freak out on the fifth grader. He got up in Bud's face and was being a the biggest jerk in the world. I honestly think that what he said about still loving me was a lie. I've noticed he likes to play girls. He likes to play with their feelings and their emotions like they're a toy. And once he gets bored with them, he throws them away. But then he'll get bored with the other ones and go back to the old ones. Trust me. He's done it to me plenty of times. And he usually gets 'bored' with them when the girl points out something about him he doesn't like. So he starts to get mad at you. But you won't see him get mad. He'll start saying things behind your back and wait for you to hear them. Then once you do, you go to him all upset because someone(him is saying things behind your back, and he'll comfort you, saying he'll find out and that he'll beat them up. When in reality, he' thinking, "oh now you're glad I'm here".  He's just play with you. And cheating. Oh god the flirts. If you talk to a boy and he doesn't like, he'll say something to you. And when you say he needs to relax and not worry, he'll say you don't care that he cares. He gives you a guilt trip and make you feel bad so you don't talk to that  boy anymore. But god for bid you say something to him about him talking to girls or flirting with his ex's behind your back. Then he automatically dumps you. right then and there. And then when you two are broken up and everything he's ever said about you is supposably not true, he'll go to another quicker then you can blink. It's ridiculous. And I'm ashamed that I'm saying this about him. But it's sadly true. And I feel bad for every girl he's ever done it to and every girl he will do it to. I honestly am, 

So I think I'm going to change my religion. I'm going to be greek. I believe in the gods and goddesses and their stories are absolutely glorious and interesting and amazing. I love it. And the food. and the music. and the clothes. The ancient greek I'm talking about here. Of course I'd mix in their customs with some of the things I do out of adoration. like music, food, and clothes. I want to get a pair of greek like sandals for greek fair. 

AAAH! Greek Fair. I'm so excited. I'm going to wear a toga or a greek goddesses dress. Whatever you call them.

Stupid Stupid Stupid.

I think it's so funny how people that DONT live in america, want to. And how people that DONT speak english originally, learn to. It's so ironic how america is like crap right now, and people that live in other countries want to live here just to get more freedom or more of a better life. Honestly, I'd do anything to get out of america. The economy rules the country, and right now it's going down the drain. And the adults want to try to hide it, or 'heal' it. They don't think we kids can help. They think "Oh you're just kids, you don't know what's going on or anything about government" When actually we do. Example; the other day, my five year old sister came up to me and told me all the branches of the government and the tax rate for New Jersey. How many kids her age do you know that can do that? Not a lot right? Right. So even kids younger then us know, or at least have a idea, of what's going on. So I think the government should let us speak out and let us get our points and ideas across. I think it would help things.

I think(:

Going Out With a BANG!

Today is the last day of spring break. Even though it wasn't much of a 'spring break', it needs to go out with flare and pahzaz. So, today, before John comes over, I am going to make a video of me doing stupid stuff. I have one idea; Samantha stars in 'Swallow A Tablespoon Of Cinnamon'. I told my sister and she said "Are you going to video tape it, so I can watch you fail?" hahaha. She's going out, so she won't be able to watch  first hand. But I posted a status on face book: Come watch me try to swallow a full tablespoon of cinnamon around 12:30 today." So Either people will show up or they won't. Either way I'm going to do it. I want to try to find other stuff to do. It has to be stupid and slightly dangerous, but nothing to where the chances of being killed are greater then the chances of just injuries. Haha, 'just injuries' not 'minor injuries'. Hope my mom has good insurance. With my luck I'll break something. Bone or not.Gladyly, the chances of me dying are rather slim. But I can choke, so Imma have a cup of water near me, just in case.
ImPumpedLetsDoThis.
Whoa Dude(:


"I'm fine, super sonic, speed machine"(:
And Goodbye

I Have A Confession To Make

I'm a fashion freak. There. I said it. But it's true though. If I see a shirt, a dress, or something and I like it, I'll automatically start looking for other stuff that would go perfectly with it. Especially boots. I absolutely adore boots. But only sexy boots. I mean, some combat boots are cute, and there's this one pair I want, but some are just gross and unattractive looking. Sorry to those who wear them a lot, it's my opinion. Like this white dress. Isn't it adorable? Anyway; It would go nice with this french necklace and these black flats. Of course every outfit needs an adorable bag, like this black one with fringe. I don't mean to be conceited, but I am so good with fashion, that I could make a beautiful outfit in seconds. I love clothes. Ahaa. The funny thing is that when you first meet me, you wouldn't think I would be. Unless you're very observant or I'm commenting on your outfit/clothes period.
Like I have an outfit put together for every season, I'll upload them throughout the week. telling you were I got each item. Which reminds me; The dress, shoes, and bag, you can get at delias. he necklace is a french ivory necklace. I don't know where you could get it, but I bet if you search french necklaces, you'll find something(:

I need a job, I can pretty much do anything if you teach me/ask me(:

I honestly am yearning for money. Because I want things and those things cost money, which frankly, I don't have. And I don't have the patience to wait for my birthday or christmas. So I am telling people who read this blog, mainly for those people who live near Elmer/Pittsgrove, that I can do little jobs to almost any big job. At least big for a 14 year old. Haha. Anyway, I can babysit, I adore kids; I can help you move things, like packing things for moving or storing; I can watch and walk or takecare of pets; I can clean, and I can help with small cafe like places, I'm good with people, and I can help with internet businesses. If you want me to work for you, I think my email is on my profile for here(you can look at my about me and under it is a link that says 'view my complete profile'. click on it). Email me and ask me what you want me to do, and I'll get back to you. Depending on where it is near me, I'll need a ride, and to let my parents know. I ammmmm still 14. Just old enough to work. Haha.

So I know exactly what I want to do with my hair over the summer. Well, near the beginning of June, I want to dye my whole head blonde, like platinum blonde maybe, and then wait maybe two/three weeks and dye all of it blue or purple. If I dye it blue; I'm going to  dye chunks underneath purple and pink. If I dye it purple; I'm going to dye chunks underneath pink and blue. Or for both choices, I can leave some part blonde, and some another color.

YumItSoundsDelicious(:

I'll Never Let you Sweep Me Off My Feet(:

I love hot spring days, because roofs get so lonely. So I give it company, all the while, tanning for the bathing suit season. Hahahaha. I think it's funny that I worry about my skin being pale. At least during the spring/summer because I were a bathing suit and people can see my back and my legs. If it was winter, then I wouldn't care about my skin color. During the winter, I'm a pretty pale. I love it. Anyway, I'm sitting on my roof in shorts and a bathing suit top, and I already see a difference in my skin color. Or I could just be excited that I'm not babysitting today. Haha, either way, I am relaxed and enjoying the sun while I can. I wish someone would come up here with me though. I'm kinda bored and lonely.  And besides, it's a lovely view of the town.

So if you want to hang out with me,m come to my milewidetown(Elma) and come tan with me(:

I won't be posting for a while.... I'll be busy, so don't wait up(:

And Goodbye<3

La Roux....

La Roux is my new favorite artist....... Until I find a new one(: Anyway, My favorite song by her is bulletproof.  It's stuck in my head, and most likely the same will happen to you when you listen to it. Her music is addicting, I should say. It's surely not something you want to skip when heard on a station. Click the title of this blog to listen to it(:


Yesterday was good I guess. I found I look dashing in ivory. Haha.

Have you ever had so many thoughts and worries and ideas in your head, it makes you want to bang your head on a wall just so the pressure is relieved? Yea well, I have. I do now. And when I do, I feel very unorganized. And organization is the one thing I love having control over. Like in school yesterday, the teacher gave us a pill of words to organize into a sentence from the packet. And I already had a pretty good idea. The thing is, I was working in a group. Which I hate, unless it's a video project, but I did try to work with them. But when four people try to put there own sentence together with the same words as me, we have a problem. So I told them to leave me alone so I could get this done. And we won. Ha(:  Back to main point; I need to set aside a day, most likely sunday, and organize my whole room.

Today, on the other hand, I am going to relax on my roof, tan, read, and bathe in the glory of being off from babysitting my little sister for once. I am so glad my older sister is home for a change. And just because she's the one who gets to babysit, but because I never see her anymore. I miss her. Sure I see her at night,  or whenever I go to my dad's maybe, but even then, we never hangout anymore. It sucks. And she complains to me that we never hangout, so I try to do stuff with her, but she's either 'too tired' or on her laptop. Though she would never admit to those things.

I haven't twittered in a while....hmm.... I'm going to change that.

I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone last night and I was the topic of conversation. Ugh.  He is very alert around me and he sees and notices everything I say or do. And he told me last night, that he doesn't understand how I could be so deep into one topic or thing for a spilt second, and then be on a totally new one the next. He said I do it a lot more when I don't want to talk something. Which I do. Or when I don't want people to see if my sad or worried or some strong emotion; minus happy.

I've been listening to a butt load of acoustic music lately. It keeps me mellow, and I love that feeling. Because it's so much easier to deal with bad situations when I'm mellow. And no, I don't mean being high. Jeesh. 


And Goodbye.

I Love You Blogger...

Dear Blogger,
            I'm so glad I have you to talk to. I wish I could say you're good at keeping secrets, but seeing as how you're a website, I can't. But I'm glad I vent to you and tell you my ideas and thoughts and such. I'm glad you don't talk back, and that you help me through my problems and issues without even having to say a word. I know I complain and I give you attitude way more then you should get, but I'm glad you don't care.
                                                I'm glad you aren't a person with the ability to think on your own(:

Mmm... Italian food(:

Lalalala(:

I'm super excited for my birthday. I'm asking for the things that I want( I listed most of them on my last post, I'll probably make a post about them. I have more).

Haven't been on in a while. Well, I have reasons. You may call them excuses, but I tell nothing but the truth; I've been grounded. No look, my groundments are quite odd compared to your probably. I only get certain things taken from me, just not all at once. It depends on the mood of my parents and the day. Honestly though, I think that they have this whole system and code in which they choose what to take from me. I'm perfectly fine with no having tv. No phone, I can handle. I don't use it anyway. Just don't take my computer, playstation, straightener, or freedom, and we'll be just dandy(: Now the first three days, I didn't have playstation, so no DDRX):, I didn't have phone, or tv. Then, supposably I did something wrong, and I got grounded until tuesday. I didn't have computer, internet if you will, playstation, phone, tv, and a bunch of other little things; I find this completely immature, seeing as how it does nothing. Taking thing away does nothing to me. Sure I might be sad and angry you took things away. But last time I checked, people didn't have those things for a while and they lived perfectly fine. Honestly, if it didn't advance the human race soo much, I would completely HATE technology. Which the phone and tv don't fall under. Sadly though, music does. I absolutely adore music. I have it blasting my ear 24/7. Ask anyone. But anyhoo, it causes too many problems between countries and people and companies. Stupid stupid stupid. 

Anywhoo, an ex of mine still likes me. Well, technically three do, but I already knew about two and recently found out about the third one today. In spanish. Stupid foreign language class. I hate it when exs still like me. But fortunately this one doesn't make things awkward. he knows when enough is enough and he knows his limits. Which I am so thankful for. Haha. I still love him, just in a different way. more like a family love. We're close no doubt, but brotherly/sisterly close. Make sense?

ItsGonnaHaveToo(:

Yes I'm taking spanish. So I guess me learning french is gonna go down hill for the time being. That's ok. I'll just admire my friend Amber speaking it. Haha, I'll admire the french she's speaking. Not her. Though she is really pretty. And for those of you who want to giggle and say I'm gay and be all pervert-ish, go ahead, because obviously you are mature enough to get your head out of the gutter. 

I passed the test to get into VoTech. I'm just waiting for the letter to come in the mail saying I can go. But I guess that they have to look at more stuff. Point: I have a rather high chance of getting in now(:

Clicking the title of this blog will intitle you to seeing an adorable amazing picture.

<33

Love Is A Story

Click the title of this blog and listen to Hide and Seek(cover). He's amazing and I love him(: Not literally, but he is amazing and makes me really happy!

I really want to watch Tuck Everlasting. Like you don't even know how much I want to. And I want to watch it with a bunch of people. People that won't make fun of me when I cry or saw "awwwh!". I know I will. Haha.

I already have bugbites and it just started to become warm out. FML. FTW.
I love spring(:

I want boot covers, white and black fishnet stockings, denium skirt, black boots, and loads and loads of glow sticks. It doesn't matter what color the glowsticks are, I just want them. I want ones I can wear as necklaces, ones I can wear as bracelets, and ones that are actually glow-in-the-dark string so I can wrap it around my legs(:
See the picture to the right? It's a picture of a rave girl. She supports techno/hardstyle/trance music. Like me(: Remember How I said I feel bad because I thought the techno gods were ashamed of me, because they thought I didnt support techno music? yea, well, I'm going to start to semi-dress like that. I'll were the boot covers, stockings/leggings, tutus, and make-up. but not the maska dn be all crazy with the beads and binkies(they're to relax the jaw, MDMA). I already have one outfit in mind. and I don't really need to go out and buy a bunch of stuff. Starting from the bottom up; Black boots covers, black fishnets, denim skirt, my purple and black studded belt, black tank top, ripped/off the shoulder plain purple tee, mesh long sleeve shirt, glow stick necklaces, and bold yet simple make-up(eyes). I'm really diggin it. I'll make a picture of what I mean. Not with me in it, but off all the different things I'll need.

Qlimax!

"The intentions of the mind is powerful and also a curse."-Power of The Mind by Headhunterz

I am recently obsessed with hardstyle music. Or 'rave' music. commonly known as techno or electronic music(: I've always loved techno music, but I've never really showed it. So I feel kind of bad. I don't want people thinking I'm ashamed of listening to that type of music. Because I'm not. So, now, I will dress the part. Show my appreciation! Show that I support people and their crazy, amazing, interesting style for this music. I will become part of the rave community. Not saying I do or can go to a rave. I will once I'm 16. And I know who I would want to go with(:
Click the title of this blog and listen^^
Ra^3rToBe<3


I'm actually kinda, sorta excited!

Hugs are the best thing in the world...

"Turn your back and run now, You haven't got a chance now."- Dumpweed by Blink182

They honestly are. Not saying it could replace a wanted kiss, but they do rank pretty gosh darn high. Especially when you've been waiting to be in that persons arms, and when you finally do, neither of you let go. Like you both have secretly wanted to be with eachother, and now that you are, there's nothing better. I feel that. I love it. Makes the butterflies in my tummy and my cheeks turn red. LIke a sudden, yet brief, explosion of excitement and tingling running over my body and prickling my skin. Yea, he might not be the type to show affection right away, but when he does, it's like he means it more. He's scared he'll hurt me or upset me. This is deffinately a first for me with this. He is way different then other boys. At least the ones I've encountered. He's very quiet when you first meet him. He loves to joke and laugh. Though his variety of music is lacking, almost starving from change-I intend to help that -, he has good music. He's rather breathtaking. Dark eyes, dark hair, pale-ish skin, tall, strong, not that you can see. And I love him.
It was the first day of spring yesterday and I went to ritas with two car loads of people. Not literally two full cars. But we had to take two cars. In my car, my mothers cars actually, it was me, my mother, my brother, Lance, Dustin, Wayne, Caitlynn, and Baily. And then my sister, her boyfriend, and her boyfriend's little brother in her boyfriends car. There were a lot of 'boyfriend's in that sentence. Ahaaa. Anywhoo. I got blue water ice and it turned my lips and my tongue blue. And it stayed like that until I brushed my teeth before bed.
It is now the second day of spring and I utterly bored. I have nothing to do. I have money. But I can't go anywhere unless I have a ride and no one is allowed to come over. So I'm thinking of just taking a train to see a friend of mine, not sure if I should surprise him or not. And if I can't do that, I think I'm going to move my room around, draw, tan(God knows how pale my legs are), or just day dream. But that'll be nothing new(:
I have to get a plan together to persuade my mummy into letting me have a phone again. It would make my life so much less boring. I'd have a way to stay in touch with people, and a way of making plans on the spot, and a way of getting away. Aha, a way and away. How funny.
I was thinking yesterday, in the mist of going shopping(:, I thought of my bedroom. My new bedroom actually. If you click the title of this blog, you can see what's inspiring me for my room. Of course my room will be more 'me' then that picture shows..

I think the song A Milli by lil wayne is just so funny!

I'm listening to that song right now and this is the first time that I'm actually listening to the lyrics. It's so funny. Haha. Look up the lyrics right now and read them. Do it. You Won't. Not gonna say the next thing. (:

Holy crap I am so happy! But I have no clue why. I am exorbitantly happy. No, excited is more like it. Excited for the hot temperatures that will be coming soon. I am so bored of the cold. I use to love it, but now it's my true foe. I am excited about going to the beach and wearing a bathing suit and walking on the boardwalk. I'm excited to wear shorts and tank tops. I'm excited to hangout with my boyfriend, though I always am(: I'm excited to feel more up-beat then usual. And usually, I am rather hyper. And the parties. Oh the parties. And I can start walking more. I love walking. Especially in my milewidetown because everything and everyone is within walking distance. But I also like walking on dirt roads and in the country. I like walking barefoot, so the hot temperatures let me do that way more then the chilly ones now. I also have this thing, where I dye my hair atleast twice over the summer, and I'm begging my mother to let me dye my whole head blue, like explained in an earlier post. I also want to dye my whole head blonde. But then again, I am rethinking it...... than again, I'm not. (:
Listening to Too Young by The Secret Handshake.
RemindsMeOfSummer<3

I Feel Horrible.

I've been sick ever since saturday night. I don't how to explain it without giving what went down and such starting on friday; Friday after school, me and Devon(my brother) were walking home from the bus and then we met up with this kid we usually walk with. After that kid left , my brother raced me home. He beat me, but he also locked me out. See, I wouldn'tve cared so much if he just let me in to begin with; he didn't. And I was freezing. Keep in mind, I was starting to get the effects of the new stomach flu making it's rounds in my town. So I banged on the door, yelling for him to let me in. After about twenty minutes of me screaming at in through the walls, and letting myself being heard throughout the whole town, he let me in. I was angry and cold. All because of him. And on top of that, the past week has sucked, because I've been so touchy and it frustrates me that I have no reason to explain why. I'll admit, I lost it and hit him once and said some things. But I headed into my room and started packing, called my dad, asked him to come and get me. My mother showed up five minutes before my father came, saw that I've been crying and was avoiding my brother, and demanded to know what was wrong. I told her my dad was coming to get me and that I couldn't be around my brother right now; I needed to cool off. I told her i hit him and said some things, then I left. She was fine with it and understood me. Once I was at my dad's, him and me talked. My father is my like best friend. We are so much alike, yet we're totally different people at the same time. I calmed down, and I realized how bad I felt for hitting my brother and yelling at him. Things cooled down after my brother came over and i was quiet the rest of the night. Saturday John came over and that's when I started feeling sick. I threw up once when he was there, and I knew I should've sent him home. I didn't. He didn't want to. We watched a movie and then we just chilled with my dad and my oldest sister until his ride came. I must say, I think I developed some abs from laughing so hard. After he laughed, I fell asleep in the bathroom on the floor, throwing up every two hours it seemed. Then sunday rolled around, and I went downstairs and finally fell asleep on the couch while waiting for my dad to get home. I honestly think I didn't move at all. Minus trips to the bathroom and my bedroom. I only ate one meal and managed to make one can of Ginger Ale last me eleven hours. Magic it seemed. Around seven, I went beck to my moms and started feeling better. I slept good that night. And monday, or today, I woke up to find that my brother, baby sister, and mother all have gotten what I had. And I, only feeling a bit dizzy and dull body aches, decided to stay home from school, to take care of the house, them, the dog, my chores, school work, and reading. I'm so thankful that I can type so fast or this post wouldn't exist. I feel absolutely horrible that I gave them what I had. Hence why I'm staying home, and because my mother is staying home work, and my sister and brother are home from school.

I must go. Laundry, family, reading, work, and chores.
(:

Facts: Continued

Your Pretty Eyes by Rediscover(:

1. I`m samantha as most of you know(:
2. I think I`m mature for my age.
3. I have two fears: thunderstorms and losing the people I love
4. I wouldn`t say I have a best friend because I don`t pick favorites, but I do have three people I prefer over others, and I love them.
5. I love music, photography, writing, and walking.
6. I have a twitter, deviantART, and humble voice.
7. I like meeting new people and getting to know them, because looks can be deceiving.
8. I have two favorite movies; Tuck Everlasting and Wolverine X-Men Origins.
9. My favorite book is 'Troy' and my favorite short story is 'A Sound of Thunder'.
10. I am probably going to be the most ridiculous person you`ll ever meet.
11. I like silence, but if I have something to say I will say it.
12. I honestly think I`m going slowly insane.
13. I love acoustic songs, covers, and most people don`t.
14. I want to learn to tango and speak french.
15. I`m slowly saving up for a Nikon D90, I heard they`re amazing.
16. I have an amazing boyfriend who I love so very much.
17. It might sound dumb to a lot of people, but I want to wait for that special someone.
18. I love fashion, though it might not seem like it.
19. I`m going to school for cosmotology.
20. I can't spell for my life.
21. I found an old friend whom I used to be very close to. But we haven`t talked in a while. Come to find out, now her and I have way more in common then we thought. She is one of the people I prefer(:
22. I like cold wheather, but not snow, so autumn is my favorite season.
23. I like ice cream, but i`m not allowed to have it.
24. I eat food very strangely, because I struggle to find ways to not make a mess. I always end up making a big mess anyway.
25. I don't have very good grammar.
26. I am making myself a goals list of everything I want to do before I`m 16, because I won't have time when I have a car.
27. When turn 14 I can work at Barns and Nobles and I`ll love every minute of it. I`ll be surrounded by books.
28. I already plan on having one room in my house to be a library and lounge room. I can't wait.
29. I want to see Michael Buble live.
30. I am a very sarcastic and cheezy person, please don't be offended or scared off by me.
31. I strongly think that fudge rounders taste like hot chocolate.
32. I say thing in a conversation that you might think don't relate to the topic, but it`s usually the first thing that comes to mind when I think about the topic.
33. My mother doesn't exactly get why I do what I do; clothes and hair dye.
34. I think I have a very wide range of music, so my playlist has almost every type of music people listen to. I listen to it all.
35. I need to learn to walk in heels, I might wear them to my aunt's wedding in july. Then again I might not.
36. I think music is just the words we're afraid to say, so my advice to you is sing what you don't want to say to someone.
37. I want a big furry winter hat. I would wear it everyday of every cold season I live through.
38. I love changing things and making things fresh.
39. I always have ideas and plans boiling, and ready to explode within my tiny head all the time.
40. I like going into detail about things. No matter how embarrassing I may get.
41. I love cooking for people, especially when they get a very shocked look on their face.
42. I am into the celtic stuff. Most people think of fairies and wonderlands when they think of celtic, it's a lot more then that.
43. I love the stars and I hate the cities that make them disappear.
44. John wanted me to put T.V. so there it is.
45. I love him to pieces<3 46. I say unusual words like classy; nifty; stylish; ober 47. I add a whole different playlist to my music player whenever I can't add more music(almost once a week). 48. I'm finally reading Percy jackson and The Olympians: the Sea Of Monsters
49. I honestly think this is turning into 101 truths. OhGoshByGolly!
50. I love quoting things and the likes.
51. I'm almost always happy.
52. I have the cutest puppy ever. He loves to cuddle and has the smallest voice ever. I love him.
53. My lover and I are in a debate in weather or not WallE is adorable or not. I'm winning(:
54. My mother introduces me to the weirdest, most scary movies in the world. I could never look away.
55. I'm scared of dead clowns(almost any clown, dead or not, makes me gag).
56. Black and White photos seem so much prettier.
57. The bad part about living in a milewide town is every single person can know what you're up to at every moment of every day. GeezLuiEzz!
58. I might be getting a new industrial bar for my right ear(:
59. I am almost positive that I have found all the bands I listen to by searching for something else. Haha, it's so weird.
60. I love spring mornings and summer nights.
61. I think it's weird when my pillow and blanket smell like axe and/or other guy smells(nice smells).
62. I love the smell after it rains.
63. I think heat lightning is beautiful, though I'm scared of it.
64. I hate it when I read a really good book, because then I get really into like actually there, and then I start feeling the feelings of the characters. But I love it at the same time.
65. I've always been afraid of boats. Especially the huge ones, but I want to go on a cruise.
66. I contradict myself all the time.
67. I can't explain things very well, because I can never find the right words to explain things so people understand.
68. I want to get my hair dyed: a warm red glaze and bright red peek-a-boo highlights(: My mother said "we'll see" which usually means that if I bug her or remind her every so often, I can get it.
69. My mother is ridiculous but I love her(:
70. I don't believe in stereotypes, because I am my own person.
71. I like to be as original as possible. Copying is stupid.
72. If my mother would let me, I would get a tattoo on my spine. It would be so awesome, because I want to get the bones of my spine tattooed on my spine(bone tattoo is what it's called).
73. I've been to two concerts my entire life and they were both amazing. All my favorite bands were there. It was like my little stadium of heaven(:
74. I like naming things, like objects, food, and flowers. I have a stuffed fish hanging from my ceiling named Vince. I've had him for three years. He's my child.
75. I agree with my friend Greg when he says the word love is not be thrown around or messed with. You should mean it when you say it and not be sure of it, but only positive.
76. I absolutely adore scarfs, but only have one, and it's gray with black stars and streaks of silver.
77. I can play DDRX like there's no tomorrow.
78. I don't think I can be anymore occupied any place but a tattoo shop/parlor or a hair saloon. Professional or not.
79. I know it might seem stupid but a beauty store is like my second home. Minus the many clothes stores I love.
80. I can't wait to go to the beach this summer and show off my super cute bikini. It's lilac purple and it has tiny ruffles on the top and bottom, with a deep purple bow and draw strings. I love VictoriaSecrets.
81. I am finding i a challenge to NOT cut my hair and let it grown out.
82. I am doing this because the length of my hair use to be to the middle of my back, a bit longer actually, and I cut it all off. So I'm growing back out. Everything except my bangs of course.
83. I think acoustic love songs are more romantic then a night under the moon. Weather you can sing or not. It's the thought and the fact that you tried, that counts.
84. I like taking personality surveys and watching at how many times they're never the same.
85. I think, if I ever went to college, I would survive off of starbucks coffee, Wawa muffins, and my mothers tader-tot caserole(I repeat, I can not spell).
86. I have a big vocabulary, I just don't use it often.
87. I fidget a lot and it worries my boyfriend.
88. I don't get how someone can be internet famous. I think it's slightly ridiculous.
89. I know my hair is already super think and big with volume, but , as nice as it is to want, I want it to be thicker.
90. I love messing with make-up and seeing what I look like with different styles.
91. I think strings and rap beats are genius.
92. I laugh as much I breath, as cliche as that sounds.
93. I want to redo my whole wardrobe. I probably will once I have a good working job and a car.
94. I eat a lot of food, but it's never a full meal. It's always me munching and nibbling. My mother thinks it's ridiculous.
95. If I found a new word that I think is just so much fun to say, I will use it rather a lot.
96. I like lip syncing to people, weather I know them or not.
97. If I'm curious about something, I will either ask you or find some other way to learn about it.
98. I'm very impatient, even though things come to me rather quickly.
99. I only like one science fiction book in the whole entire world. Ender's Game. But it's a series so I guess I like more then one book.
100. I like being technical and specific.
101. I love being around people, especially if our personalities bounce off of eachothers and everyone gets jealous.
Haha.

I hate it when they all seem the same. It makes it impossible to heal.

Lemon Meringue Tie by Dance Gavin Dance

I hate how boys, and most not all, are all the same. They say they love you and care and want the best for you and you're head over heels for them no matter what just because they know sweet talking works on you. Then the next minute they want nothing to do with you. They don't want to talk to you, they don't want to listen to you, they don't even want to see you. Anything that has to do with you, they want nothing to do with it. It makes loving them impossible. Because they play with your feelings and your head and you get your hopes up so much and they crush when they say everything they said, meant nothing to them. Like it was second nature for them to say those things. Gosh I hate it. Makes me want to shoot myself. And they wonder why you get so angry with them. They think, just because they can run fast or they appear nice or they seem cute, they're all the same. They're all jerks. Especially those guys that have reputations and such. OhMySweetJesus. I'm honestly getting sick of this.
I went to a skating party, and I was talking to one of my friends, and this kid comes up to me and tries to kiss me. I was like "excuse you" And he just freezed and looked like a deer caught in headlights. I feel a couple times when fifth graders tripped me. I mean, I know they didn't mean it, but there's a part of the rink made for people who are just beginning. Not saying they can't skate, but just so they get comfortable with people jerking in and out of groups of people skating together. I had fun though. I was skating with my one friend, and I was dancing to the music on my skates. I got him laughing and he almost fell, so I stopped. I ended up taking my skates off and walking around and dancing tot he music. For the most part, it was a lot of fun. And the people I arrived with and left with were amazingly hilarious.
HolyCrapYouDontEvenKnow(:

Guess what... It's FlipFlop wheather baby!!!
Woot wootXD

LoveIt

He was bright. Loving. Brilliant. Sweet. I miss him.

Have you ever missed someone so much it hurts? Like you don't remember that they're gone until you go home to talk to them, to spill all your thoughts and opinions out to them, and they aren't there. Instead, they are buried deep underground, and you want to rip through the dirt until your fingers bleed, just to see them again. Just to hear them. All the while, hoping with every breath, that it's all a dream.

We got a new puppy last night(: I love him so much it's ridiculous. But honestly I'm scared. I'm scared I'll compare him to Guin, or get too attached, and when he's gone, it'll feel like my heart is ripped out. I don't want that again. I don't think I can handle it.

I'll upload pictures of it later.

"I lost people because they were trying to stand up for him and said I did something wrong. But I was nothing but sweet and caring and everything I could be without being a slut and disrespecting to myself. Sometimes I hate boys. No offense to you. you're older. Younger ones are so oblivious to what they get and to what they deserve. They always think they deserve better because they're 'men' when in all actuality, they haven't even hit puberty yet. Their voices are still girlish and shrilled. They haven't gotten acne yet, or started getting stubble. They haven't gotten over their first kiss. But they just jerks and buttfaces. It bewilders me that they are completely oblivious to what is handed to them. And it's not even handed to then. It walk right up to them and falls head over heels, and what do they do? They treat it like it's some stupid stuffed animal and beat her heart to death until she can't take it anymore, and starts becoming less to him. UGH! I hate them.

I'm sorry. "

OhMyGoodness.

You Never Know What To Expect...

WARNING!: I am not responsible for the reaction and/or medical problems such as heart attack, loss of breath, and/or awe if you click the title of this blog. Note, clicking the title of this blog will NOT enhance your chances in becoming successful and/or an amazing person who is considered a god. Please do not get your hopes up. Have a nice day(:

Last night was open mic night and I was opening act. I had no problem that I was opening act, it's just I was nervous and I could tell I was blushing constantly, because when I looked up, I saw my boyfriend smiling at me. And when I blush, only my cheeks get pink, not my whole face. Which I am greatful for. I think it's cute when I blush, but that's me thinking positive about myself. I love John(: He's so funny and he doesn't even try or realize it. I was sitting with my dad, and I asked him to come sit with us and he said no. I didnt' take offense, but my dad laughed. Because how he answered was rather funny. He smiled at me, looked at my dad, his eyes widened, and then he said no. Now, my father is not a scary person. He doesn't even act his age. He's very laid back and calm. I can understand my dad doesn't look all that friendly at first, but that's because he has a serious face most of the time. He only shows emotion when needed(I bet if you give him a couple shots he's a different person). So I went over and sat with John. I asked him why he didn't want to sit with us and he said "I don't know your dad." So I just shook my head and smiled at him. He's so adorable... I'm so lucky(:
So this friday, or tomorrow, is dress like a storybook character day in school. I picked Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland. I love that movie and she's my favorite character, besides the Mad Hatter. My sister is helping me with my costume. I'll take pictures and post them on my sites. So just wait(:

P.S. When you clicked on the title of this blog you saw a sexii picture XD