I Miss You by Blink 182 is still stuck in my head.

"Come on let me hold you touch you feel you

Always

Kiss you taste you all night

Always."

-Always by Blink182

I remember one conversation I had with him and it was pretty intense. It brought me to tears. They weren't sad tears nor were they happy tears. They were tears that showed how much of an idiot I was two years ago in August. I let myself get paranoid and the thoughts of other people get to me about him and I lost him. I should I lost myself and in the middle of it al I lost him. the conversation was about some personal stuff. Yes I can talk to him about that kind of stuff and neither of us care. Thats just how good it is. Or use to be at least. I don`t know if it`s like that now. But he brought up the conversation up and fueled most of it. we started off talking about what he wanted to do over the weekend, sadly I couldn't attend. Then we got into deeper stuff and he told me things that made me happy but mad at the same time. I was mad because he`s told me those words before, and they were lies. I was mad that he was telling me this when he had others on his mind. I was mad that I started crying because I was touched and happy and relieved. I was mad that it felt like someone cared when no one did. I was mad that I lost it in August two years ago. The best thing ever in my hands, and I lost it. Sometimes I hear what he has to say and then I tell someone and they tell me he`s been telling his friends that he`s been messing with me and joking around. Like he was messing with my heart. the sad part is, I believed him over everyone else. I believe one to many. I still do most of the time. It`s probably because sixth grade. It`s probably because I still have deep feelings for him. I could go on and on about reasons. Either way, I doubt he cares. I`m a lot quieter now that things have change a lot. And when I say change i mean change. We had a lot of fights after June before this school year. He thought I lied to him, he thought I didn`t trust him, he thought wrong. Then there I was second guessing myself as usual. Messing things up for myself. Yet again. I had a reason why I broke up with him. It sounds really stupid to a lot of people but that`s just how I am. I get paranoid and let things get to me too much and it makes me hate myself. Like I said, things have changed. We don`t talk as much as we use to and we get into a lot more arguements then we use to. Since we haven`t been talking as much I`ve been a lot more quieter. It might not seem like it, but I`ve been losing sleep and I haven`t been eating right. I`m starting to worry my dad. I would tell my mom, but she`s never home. And when she is, she`s running all over gods creation doing this and that or she's sleeping. I don`t want her to think I don`t like talking her anymore, but I try to leave her alone when shes relaxing so she can sleep and catch up on things. technically, she should be getting twelve hours of sleep. Like I said a while back, she isn`t doing so hot. It`s starting to worry me, because she`s been getting sick a lot more lately and it`s been serious stuff too. Sorry for the spelling. I really don`t care right now because I`ve been having a bad week and what I`m telling you just topped it off like a cheery on a sundae.

I really need to get things worked out badly before I lose someone else I love, and I think I should have a talk with him. A deep talk and just get everything out and off my chest. Same goes for him.

I say good day.