Smothered...

"I should know how to handle this, I was born to."
"Calm down, you don`t have to handle anythig. You`re a teenager. You`re suppose to have problems and not understand them."
"But I want to. I need to. You don`t get it."
"Don`t get what?"
"Pressure. So much pressure from adults and high standards."
"What?"
"And me being a teen girl doesn`t make it any better. I makes it worse. It adds more to my list of stress. I honestly think I`m left with two choices."
"No..."
"Death or ..."
'No."
"There actaully is no other choice.... You see? People like you, like adults, cause this. cause us kids, us kids you tell to 'live life, get in trouble, run careless' us kids you set standards for. Standards to be the best we can be and then some. And not just any some. You want us to be perfect. To be better then perfect.To be something we are struggling for. Something we kill ourselves over. Something impossible."

Today was ok. Not much happened. I ended up going to my mom's house this morning because the water at my dad's wouldn't heat up, and I wasn`t feeling well enough to NOT take a shower. It`s pretty gross in the first place. My hand hasn`t healed at all. The doctor was worried and started mumbling about rebreaking my hand. So now I`m worried and scared. I really hate how this is working out. I mean, I can`t use my right hand and i write with this hand. I`m not allowed to move my hand at all, so typing this sin't making it any better. I should be in a cast, but instead, I hae to stay in a stupid splint for five more weeks. I won`t be surprised if it still hasn`t healed. I should be in a finger splint if I have to stay in a splint at all. This i ridiculous. "The ridiculous for the ridiculous." I guess you can say.
I think I need help. I`m not even kidding. Actually, I don`t think I need help as much as I need someone there to talk to and to get away. He was right, I need a vacation. I need to get away and clear my mind. Think things through. But He`s leaving probably after this school year, so my high school years are going to suck. Yea I'll be staying in touch with him, but besides that. I don`t even know any more. I`m getting to frustrated and I`m all ready wanting to rip my hand off. It seems like my hand is creating so much drama. It`s annoying me that I have to wear this, and when im annoyed I get frustrated, and when I`m frustrated I get a headache and then I feel clasuteraphobic or whatever, and I start to get mad and then I cry. I hate this! I want this to end! OhMyGod!

I wish I could just sleep this of. Sadly, I can`t. I can barely sleep enough as it is.
I Miss You.